One of my happy memories is when Rosie comforted me upon the death of my 93-year old Mom, dying in the very same hour as that ignorant, gun-loving Charlie...somebody.
Rosie's kindness meant so much that day. I too am autistic. And Rosie helped me navigate the first day that I would ever be truly alone.
I acquired Chiquita (and I frequently sing the song myself) from a shelter about the time Trump was going down his "golden escalator" before paid actors ($50+shirt/head), and calling hard-working Mexicans "murderers and rapists".
Calling her Chiquita makes me feel like I would upset The Killer Wail each time I called her.
Q for you: you reference golden elevator, you know things. Admiral William J. Crowe Jr., who was the real-life Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff at the time appeared as himself in the Cheers episode “Hot Rocks” (Season 7, Episode 17). This episode is Trump’s plan- it even includes essentially Maga hats
It's been difficult to adjust to this 3rd and final stage to my life, especially after 25 years of isolation for personal and medical reasons.
I need to have a clearer understanding of my interactions, hopefully to learn to control many hurtful behaviors I was never even aware of...for > 50 years.
I need to do things slowly, and with greater concern for others. And all while in consideration of a world writhing in agony. And for now, I need to learn how to do it all alone so that hopefully, someday I'll know how to more properly allow people into my world as something more than an expectation of my failure.
Thank you, Tera. But I fear I will disappoint you. At least for right now, as I slowly work to learn just who I am, beyond simply "a new being in a new world."
Rosie, I love your writing. I'm a reading teacher-- (I follow you on TikTok but I have my dogs in all the videos I make). Would Clay enjoy reading on her iPad instead? There are so many ways to do that, even kids articles online. They could choose one and then tell you what it was about--etc. Transitions are hard and I am so sorry you both have had to lose Heather.
This is so powerful. I have lived this as Clay and you. Both sides equally hard. I had no help, no support, just hate from my own mother. I vowed to never be her. My child was safe to vent, just like Clay. It's a game changer when you are safe. God bless all the Heathers of the world.
My son struggles as well, it breaks my heart when he gets mad at himself and his mind. He feels deeply and learns from doing and is good with his hands, but school wants everything in writing or reading. It can be very difficult. I hope Clay finds their calm and peace, and I'm sure they'll make it through 💜 *hugs*
My son goes through all this too, so much so- on asd spectrum, adhd too but those are labels, not definitions of who my son is. His mental health struggles with public and private school came to an end today. As a certified spec.ed teacher, ABA therapist certified in my past (dont agree with it) and long story short, he is 11 and gave a 25 min speech abt why independent learning at home would help his mental health. He said he does not want to live like Lord of the Flies. He is done and I agree after seeing the bruises and broken skin on his forehead from banging his head on the desk or falling out of his hard plastic chair. He does not ever have meltdowns at home like this.
He will be in 6th grade and he has been to many schools in his 11 yrs. This ended yesterday. I live in MO, also a certified teacher, grade k- 12 and I will take this on for the health kid my kiddo. He matters most of all. No amount of education is worth this abuse. #mamabear
I do so hope you folks have found your perfect solution, Tera. You're right. NO CHILD should go through that.
Until my late 50s, I didn't realize that my "problems" involved autism. For your son to grow up amid familial understanding and compassion is beyond my words to express my true admiration and amazement (and a little envy) for.
I am a woman who is most likely on this spectrum of things as well- For myself I relate my perspective to childhood neglect, abuse and trauma. By age 2, I had to learn how to survive on my own, my parents could not take care of their own physical and mental health. They took it out on me, understandably albeit painfully so.
I didn’t have a childhood, I adapted right into survival mode. Predators lurked everywhere, I became both Sherlock and Holmes. Did not ask for this.
My son is adopted, he went through a lot, and I did not have him until he was seven years old. Seven years is a long time to live in a world where no one understood him. His presence is a present to me every day. i’m always here if you need to talk about this sort of stuff, it’s what I do- here for you
And who is Clay that they decide to question their perfectness? This is not a challenge or something mean from me. How does Clay know that they were not created to be exactly as they are? Let me answer. Clay is perfect just as they are. They need to become comfortable with the phrase "Not my circus, Not my monkeys" when they experience any form of negativity from others. This comes from someone who is empathic and had to learn to shut out the negative people that are drawn to an empath. There are protections they can learn, perhaps when a bit older. They need to learn to Ground, Clear, and Protect themselves.
hi Richard, I appreciate your deep thoughts and intellect on this matter. I have a question, respectfully, I see the words “they need” “they need to learn to Ground, Clear and protect…”
Hi Tera! I have no experience with someone so young, so I hesitated a bit on how to go about that. I do know that Rosie probably needs this as well as they both have gifts such as being an empath. I learned from a wonderful lady I took a 7 week course from. The GCP part is something she teaches for no cost and has for 15 years who now teaches online on The Sage Method, whose name is Isabeau Maxwell. The process involves setting intention to protect your energy, asking Mother Earth to ground you to the earth and protect you. The rest involves a bit more explanation than this message window would allow, but you clear your energy of negativity, then visualize a bubble around you and use intention to prevent negativity or what is not meant for your highest good to enter your bubble, returning all to sender.
Richard, I completely understand where you’re coming from now, and honestly I think it becomes especially difficult when you’re talking about a very young child.
What I hear you describing is helping children learn emotional boundaries and regulation so they don’t absorb every emotion, criticism, or chaotic environment around them as if it belongs to them.
Emotional boundaries, yes, but also helping them discover that they are perfect, they are not broken and that the ability to accept that and have the boundaries is a super power.
You literally write words of wisdom, and honestly I think neurodivergence is often treated as a disability because the majority of people evolutionarily developed stronger social and psychological filters in order to function collectively within systems.
Meanwhile, there are other individuals born into environments where survival becomes the primary function first and foremost.
And in my own opinion, prolonged survival states create more neurodivergence.
When a human being must constantly scan, adapt, anticipate, self-protect, emotionally regulate others, or process chaotic environments, the brain reorganizes itself around survival and pattern recognition rather than comfort and conformity.
PDA is so incredibly hard for everyone involved. You've done wonderfully learning about it and autism and accepting Clay for who they are. Your openness about your journey has helped my wife and me with ours. We've worked hard over the last seven years to keep demands very low for our 12 year old daughter and in the last two years we've really seen it pay off in the form of far fewer meltdowns. It's so rewarding seeing her able to deal with things that would have set her nervous system ablaze a year or two before. Good job!
Rosie, thank you for sharing such a personal moment, it filled my eyes with tears. Clay is so special and so loved.
My son Kris also had a Heather her name was Hilda. Their relationship lasted decades until her passing four years ago. She adored him so….he is now 35 but will love her forever.
We are so lucky Rosie to have our babies they fill up our hearts. Much love
I am a lifelong educator -- former administrator ...English teacher my first 15 years ... I have never read your writing, and was SO very moved by this. Were I still doing workshops for teachers, I'd share this as an illustration of how every child needs, in addition to supportive parents, an adult champion-one who accepts her, sees her, and engages with her. I have always believed that good teachers can be that adult for many children. Thank you for just making me smile and "see" love, decency, and beauty. So, so needed this as we continue to navigate a dark period here in US.
The line about wanting to live inside the iPad hit like a punch to the chest.
Not because it sounds shallow or “screen addicted,” but because it sounds like a child trying to find a world where social rules, emotional unpredictability, and human cruelty finally become survivable.
One of my happy memories is when Rosie comforted me upon the death of my 93-year old Mom, dying in the very same hour as that ignorant, gun-loving Charlie...somebody.
Rosie's kindness meant so much that day. I too am autistic. And Rosie helped me navigate the first day that I would ever be truly alone.
Thanks from my heart, Rosie.
u r so welcome
I must ask- I see your handle on here and all I can do is sing the Chiquita, banana song, don’t put it in the refrigerator, no no no
I acquired Chiquita (and I frequently sing the song myself) from a shelter about the time Trump was going down his "golden escalator" before paid actors ($50+shirt/head), and calling hard-working Mexicans "murderers and rapists".
Calling her Chiquita makes me feel like I would upset The Killer Wail each time I called her.
Q for you: you reference golden elevator, you know things. Admiral William J. Crowe Jr., who was the real-life Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff at the time appeared as himself in the Cheers episode “Hot Rocks” (Season 7, Episode 17). This episode is Trump’s plan- it even includes essentially Maga hats
Thank you, Tera.
I know I've seen that episode, but without knowing just what I was seeing.
I also appreciate your presence here, real talk, no bullshit, appreciate that
Tera,
It's been difficult to adjust to this 3rd and final stage to my life, especially after 25 years of isolation for personal and medical reasons.
I need to have a clearer understanding of my interactions, hopefully to learn to control many hurtful behaviors I was never even aware of...for > 50 years.
I need to do things slowly, and with greater concern for others. And all while in consideration of a world writhing in agony. And for now, I need to learn how to do it all alone so that hopefully, someday I'll know how to more properly allow people into my world as something more than an expectation of my failure.
Thank you, Tera. But I fear I will disappoint you. At least for right now, as I slowly work to learn just who I am, beyond simply "a new being in a new world."
Carla is my spirit animal, but that clip didn’t get to it, here are the Maga hats
I have a few clips I wish to share with you
Thank you for sharing your story and herstory, Rosie O’Donnell too. Never met her, don’t have to to know she’s a beautiful and divine soul.
Rosie, I love your writing. I'm a reading teacher-- (I follow you on TikTok but I have my dogs in all the videos I make). Would Clay enjoy reading on her iPad instead? There are so many ways to do that, even kids articles online. They could choose one and then tell you what it was about--etc. Transitions are hard and I am so sorry you both have had to lose Heather.
i mistyped her in one sentence! sorry about that!
I do it all the time ... its ok
As do I with my child
Love you Rosie, all the best💖
For every child who finds safety in a screen because the outside world feels too loud.
Some minds don’t need fixing.
They just need a world gentle enough to hold them.
💙 Dublin Spudie
Rosie, you are not only an amazing mom, you are an
amazing human! 💕
This is so powerful. I have lived this as Clay and you. Both sides equally hard. I had no help, no support, just hate from my own mother. I vowed to never be her. My child was safe to vent, just like Clay. It's a game changer when you are safe. God bless all the Heathers of the world.
My son struggles as well, it breaks my heart when he gets mad at himself and his mind. He feels deeply and learns from doing and is good with his hands, but school wants everything in writing or reading. It can be very difficult. I hope Clay finds their calm and peace, and I'm sure they'll make it through 💜 *hugs*
My son goes through all this too, so much so- on asd spectrum, adhd too but those are labels, not definitions of who my son is. His mental health struggles with public and private school came to an end today. As a certified spec.ed teacher, ABA therapist certified in my past (dont agree with it) and long story short, he is 11 and gave a 25 min speech abt why independent learning at home would help his mental health. He said he does not want to live like Lord of the Flies. He is done and I agree after seeing the bruises and broken skin on his forehead from banging his head on the desk or falling out of his hard plastic chair. He does not ever have meltdowns at home like this.
He will be in 6th grade and he has been to many schools in his 11 yrs. This ended yesterday. I live in MO, also a certified teacher, grade k- 12 and I will take this on for the health kid my kiddo. He matters most of all. No amount of education is worth this abuse. #mamabear
Good job mom
ur doing a good job too mom
I do so hope you folks have found your perfect solution, Tera. You're right. NO CHILD should go through that.
Until my late 50s, I didn't realize that my "problems" involved autism. For your son to grow up amid familial understanding and compassion is beyond my words to express my true admiration and amazement (and a little envy) for.
I am a woman who is most likely on this spectrum of things as well- For myself I relate my perspective to childhood neglect, abuse and trauma. By age 2, I had to learn how to survive on my own, my parents could not take care of their own physical and mental health. They took it out on me, understandably albeit painfully so.
I didn’t have a childhood, I adapted right into survival mode. Predators lurked everywhere, I became both Sherlock and Holmes. Did not ask for this.
My son is adopted, he went through a lot, and I did not have him until he was seven years old. Seven years is a long time to live in a world where no one understood him. His presence is a present to me every day. i’m always here if you need to talk about this sort of stuff, it’s what I do- here for you
Thank you, Rosie. My son has similar struggles. Community is paramount.
Rosie, you are a good mother. Thank you for this post for all parents who love and do the best they can for their children who are struggling.
That is so sweet Rosie. I hope you both have a wonderful visit with Heather who mean't so much to her and to you.
Thank you for this heartfelt reflection.
And who is Clay that they decide to question their perfectness? This is not a challenge or something mean from me. How does Clay know that they were not created to be exactly as they are? Let me answer. Clay is perfect just as they are. They need to become comfortable with the phrase "Not my circus, Not my monkeys" when they experience any form of negativity from others. This comes from someone who is empathic and had to learn to shut out the negative people that are drawn to an empath. There are protections they can learn, perhaps when a bit older. They need to learn to Ground, Clear, and Protect themselves.
hi Richard, I appreciate your deep thoughts and intellect on this matter. I have a question, respectfully, I see the words “they need” “they need to learn to Ground, Clear and protect…”
how do you suggest they do that?
Hi Tera! I have no experience with someone so young, so I hesitated a bit on how to go about that. I do know that Rosie probably needs this as well as they both have gifts such as being an empath. I learned from a wonderful lady I took a 7 week course from. The GCP part is something she teaches for no cost and has for 15 years who now teaches online on The Sage Method, whose name is Isabeau Maxwell. The process involves setting intention to protect your energy, asking Mother Earth to ground you to the earth and protect you. The rest involves a bit more explanation than this message window would allow, but you clear your energy of negativity, then visualize a bubble around you and use intention to prevent negativity or what is not meant for your highest good to enter your bubble, returning all to sender.
Richard, I completely understand where you’re coming from now, and honestly I think it becomes especially difficult when you’re talking about a very young child.
What I hear you describing is helping children learn emotional boundaries and regulation so they don’t absorb every emotion, criticism, or chaotic environment around them as if it belongs to them.
That makes a lot of sense to me.
Emotional boundaries, yes, but also helping them discover that they are perfect, they are not broken and that the ability to accept that and have the boundaries is a super power.
Yes, absolutely, standing next to you on this.
You literally write words of wisdom, and honestly I think neurodivergence is often treated as a disability because the majority of people evolutionarily developed stronger social and psychological filters in order to function collectively within systems.
Meanwhile, there are other individuals born into environments where survival becomes the primary function first and foremost.
And in my own opinion, prolonged survival states create more neurodivergence.
When a human being must constantly scan, adapt, anticipate, self-protect, emotionally regulate others, or process chaotic environments, the brain reorganizes itself around survival and pattern recognition rather than comfort and conformity.
That is not failure to me.
That is adaptation.
Yep and Clay is learning all about this as they grow
What a beautiful picture you paint of Clay, and of yourself - accidentally. Love you, Rosie
PDA is so incredibly hard for everyone involved. You've done wonderfully learning about it and autism and accepting Clay for who they are. Your openness about your journey has helped my wife and me with ours. We've worked hard over the last seven years to keep demands very low for our 12 year old daughter and in the last two years we've really seen it pay off in the form of far fewer meltdowns. It's so rewarding seeing her able to deal with things that would have set her nervous system ablaze a year or two before. Good job!
Rosie, thank you for sharing such a personal moment, it filled my eyes with tears. Clay is so special and so loved.
My son Kris also had a Heather her name was Hilda. Their relationship lasted decades until her passing four years ago. She adored him so….he is now 35 but will love her forever.
We are so lucky Rosie to have our babies they fill up our hearts. Much love
I am a lifelong educator -- former administrator ...English teacher my first 15 years ... I have never read your writing, and was SO very moved by this. Were I still doing workshops for teachers, I'd share this as an illustration of how every child needs, in addition to supportive parents, an adult champion-one who accepts her, sees her, and engages with her. I have always believed that good teachers can be that adult for many children. Thank you for just making me smile and "see" love, decency, and beauty. So, so needed this as we continue to navigate a dark period here in US.
Thank u Sandra
The line about wanting to live inside the iPad hit like a punch to the chest.
Not because it sounds shallow or “screen addicted,” but because it sounds like a child trying to find a world where social rules, emotional unpredictability, and human cruelty finally become survivable.