humanity

all that matters

my mom used to shop at foodtown 
as A&P was too expensive 
although I don't have many memories 
of mom and me alone 

quite a few involve foodtown 
one time we were pulling out of the parking lot 
i had a lolly in my mouth 
which got me thinking 

"mom - why is sucker a bad word -
isn't it a lollypop"
she took a long pause 
"where did u hear that?" 

at school - of course 
I was nine - 
she would be gone soon 
that devastating spring of 1973 

we were sitting in the station wagon 
a blue buick she named bessie 
she put the keys in the ignition 
and turned to face me 

"well roseann - it can be used to insult someone 
to call them a name - 
to imply they r being fooled -
no one wants to be called a sucker"

she started the car and off we went 
I sat in the middle seat 
of the bench we called the front 
not a seatbelt in sight

i was cuddled next to her 
there was no need to smush her 
we were alone in the car
but i craved her touch

i slowly moved slightly closer
gently leaned my leg into hers 
and she let it rest there 
for our ten minute drive home 

where everyone would be waiting
eddie - danny - maureen - timmy 
nana - my dad 
a big noisy irish family 

she was an only child - my mother
born to older parents 
a huge family was her dream 
and she lived it 

5 kids under 12 
and she was dead before she was 40 

i see the big families in tesco 
moms with duckings waddling behind 
a tribe of children - looking like 
they belong together 

because they do 
they are the O'Donnell's 
the Murphys - the Flynns 
we made clans of our own 

mine is top of mind - here 
the five of us 
like the fingers in a fist 
ready to fight for each other 

to survive 
motherless 
traumatized 
united 

cut one of us 
we all would bleed 
way back when 
we needed each other 

now 2 of us 
don't talk to the other 2 
one is Switzerland 
its tough being the eldest 

which I am not - 
im a typical middle child 
or so I have been told
u tell me ...

people-pleasing: seeking approval and attention from others 
independence: a strong sense of self-reliance and autonomy 
mediator: acting as a peacemaker or conflict-resolver
rebelliousness: limited respect for authority

its often impossible 
to see r selves as we r 
we move from intent 
as if that's all that matters

without deep introspection 
your words and work matter 
the need for humility and harmony
the physical need for the beating hearts of others 

humanity
the basis of all connection 
is celebrated and prioritized here
it a ways that continue to stun me 

people take precedence 
we in the US 
have to work on community 
how we used to be 

in the 60's and 70's 
on suburban Long Island 
where ur neighbors became family 
we all looked after each other 

it leaves me weak 
the kindness of these Irish hearts
the phone numbers people hand me 
in the local butcher shop 

"welcome Rosie 
im just down the road if u need anything 
moving ur life is hard 
we r just a call away"

I tear up often now 
more than I have in years 
my heart cracked wide open 
allowing the light in 

nearly every day I stop at my local butcher
and look thru the window 
imagine knowing how to cook 
what to buy - dreaming 

like I did a kid in commack 
at the bakery window 
Sundays after church 
when we stopped every week 

cookies the size of 45 records
full of rainbow sprinkles
bye bye miss American pie 
crocodile rock 

"brandy - ur a fine girl 
what a good wife u would be 
but my life - my love 
my lady - is the sea" 

blasts im my head 
as I walk thru the village 
im thrown back to a distant

 chapter 
in my mind full of memories 

of the me I was then 
and the me I am now 
one love - one heart 
lets join together - and feel alright