my child chelsea

she wants her privacy 
i am her mom 
the story is out there 
people judge and ask 

why didn't u try more ...
u should have done something else ...
I would never have ...
if she were mine ...

well she's not 
she has 3 moms actually 
me kelli and Deanna 
in no particular order 

every adoption story is complicated 
nuance and subtext 
a primal wound 
sometimes doesn't heal 

her story is her own to tell 
and now - almost 28 years old 
she wants a private life 
she deserves one too 

her journey 
made public by a series of bad decisions 
on everyones part 
when she was a young teen 

some things are hard to come back from 
why don't u talk about her more 
how can I 
what would I say 

that she will be ok with me sharing 
she doesn't like it 
when the press shows up 
at some hearing 

she wishes to change her last name 
to her birth moms maiden name 
doesn't make sense to me 
I am not her 

its not about me 
i am here for her -
she's not here for me 
a wise woman once said

a few months ago 
a judge in Wisconsin 
told her he was proud of her 
she had completed treatment 

and although there were a few bumps 
along the way - its about how u rebound 
"I get knocked down but I get up again -
ur never gonna keep me down"

during the hearing 
this man I have never met 
told my daughter to go to the bathroom 
and look at herself in the mirror 

he would pause the hearing 
til she returned 
while in there he said 
tell urself ur doing great 

really look into ur eyes 
and praise urself 
for what u have accomplished - 
and she did 

the story made my knees weak 
to think of my child 
parenting herself - honoring herself 
made me weep 

well today it happened again 
the phone rang with her number 
and she said hello with so much energy 
so much joy - self confidence 

"mom - I got my high school diploma 
ten years too late ...
but I got it - today 
im holding it in my hands"

im happy we were not on face time 
as I start to quietly cry 
remembering her school anxiety 
how hard it was back then 

before she went back to her birth family 
to a state i had never been in 
with people i had never met 
it was the worst time 

now we r a decade plus 
past then 
and so much has happened 
the details unimportant 

once glaring flaming 
crosses in my mind 
unbearable pain 
I did not know how to deal 

she is doing so well now
in spite of the tabloid fodder 
she's working on herself 
aren't we all 

and she has the right to do it 
without strangers judgement 
i wish i could delete my fame 
for her 

to make life easier 
has been my goal from the beginning 
but maybe that is untenable 
as who decides what is better ? easier ? 

only the person living it 
and that would be Chelsea Belle
what the hell ...
her recovery - her journey is her own

im proud of her 
living her truth 
i respect her desires 
her struggles her success 

her right to define herself 
her world 
her family 
her life 

we raise them 
we do r best 
we all fail 
in so many ways 

but rain or shine 
same name or not 
that's my girl 
fierce and determined 

"chelsea do it"
(posted with her approval)