she wants her privacy i am her mom the story is out there people judge and ask why didn't u try more ... u should have done something else ... I would never have ... if she were mine ... well she's not she has 3 moms actually me kelli and Deanna in no particular order every adoption story is complicated nuance and subtext a primal wound sometimes doesn't heal her story is her own to tell and now - almost 28 years old she wants a private life she deserves one too her journey made public by a series of bad decisions on everyones part when she was a young teen some things are hard to come back from why don't u talk about her more how can I what would I say that she will be ok with me sharing she doesn't like it when the press shows up at some hearing she wishes to change her last name to her birth moms maiden name doesn't make sense to me I am not her its not about me i am here for her - she's not here for me a wise woman once said a few months ago a judge in Wisconsin told her he was proud of her she had completed treatment and although there were a few bumps along the way - its about how u rebound "I get knocked down but I get up again - ur never gonna keep me down" during the hearing this man I have never met told my daughter to go to the bathroom and look at herself in the mirror he would pause the hearing til she returned while in there he said tell urself ur doing great really look into ur eyes and praise urself for what u have accomplished - and she did the story made my knees weak to think of my child parenting herself - honoring herself made me weep well today it happened again the phone rang with her number and she said hello with so much energy so much joy - self confidence "mom - I got my high school diploma ten years too late ... but I got it - today im holding it in my hands" im happy we were not on face time as I start to quietly cry remembering her school anxiety how hard it was back then before she went back to her birth family to a state i had never been in with people i had never met it was the worst time now we r a decade plus past then and so much has happened the details unimportant once glaring flaming crosses in my mind unbearable pain I did not know how to deal she is doing so well now in spite of the tabloid fodder she's working on herself aren't we all and she has the right to do it without strangers judgement i wish i could delete my fame for her to make life easier has been my goal from the beginning but maybe that is untenable as who decides what is better ?
Wow this is just incredible rosie! Chelsea thank you for letting her share this with all of us! And rosie thanks for sharing! I think a lot of us mothers can relate! Congratulations Chelsea and Rosie!!
Wept through this. We ALL make mistakes. There is no rule book on parenting. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. I have a daughter with whom I’m estranged. Couldn’t possibly have loved her more. In any case, this is why people follow you around the world Rosie. Beautiful🥲
I am rooting for you Chelsea, I watched my husband battle addiction, I know it's hard he's 20 years clean an still does addiction counseling. You got this!!
I was head of casting for Carse/Werner. I lost everything to the disease of addiction. I didn’t deserve it. Chelsea doesn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve it. We play the hand we’re dealt. You’re a good mom.
I am so so happy for her. And wow, what a judge to do that for her and with her. I am amazed how good judges - ones meant to do that very hard work (intellectually & emotionally) - can change an entire life … which then changes so many other lives …. But this piece of yours touched me so much as a mother … because Rosie, like you said, it is always their life. I think we moms especially, have been placed with such a pressure to ‘get it right’ so we don’t mess up their lives. We secretly sigh in relief when they do well - and worry when they don’t. And too often we put ourselves into that equation. We are responsible for keeping them alive when they are brand new and literally need us for everything. And that sets up a dynamic from day one, which makes us believe that we are tied to outcomes. As we once were. When we DID have to feed them and bathe them and keep them alive while their brain formed and their skull closed.
It’s so easy to see them succeed and take that sigh of relief that we ‘kept them alive’ … that we did it right. Except it was never about us. It was always their journey. Such a dangerous trap set for us mothers.
I think it’s important to remind ourselves and each other, that we cannot insert ourselves into the victories OR the losses. The good choices or the bad. The happiest moments or the ones of deepest despair. Thinking inside, that we are somehow responsible for both. When really we aren’t responsible for either.
We are - as you say - responsible for being here for them THROUGH IT ALL. We are here to love them unconditionally and to step back as they take their own journeys. To root them on. Remembering that the reason we weep with joy at their happiness is not because we ‘did it right’ … but because we love them with every beat of our heart and breath in our body.
An absolute, beautiful reply. As someone in recovery myself, your words reveal a perspective one often doesn't think of: the parent's point of view. Thank you.
Also, to add...estrangement (30+ years w/siblings) seems to be the norm in my family. And so does addiction. It never leaves a family unscathed. You are a great mom to all your kids.
Way to go Chelsea! Congratulations on your HS diploma!! 🎉Everyone’s life path is different. Chelsea is on her own journey and you are there, and have always been there for her. You are an extraordinary person, Rosie. ❤️
I’m adopted and I support your decisions regarding your daughter. Sometimes one can build up a type of romantic myth about the birth family. And such myths are difficult to contradict. It significant work in many areas of one’s life to view this situation with reality and kindness. You’re a wonderful mom; as long as you know that hold on to it! Don’t let what anyone else says detract from that.
What a beautiful piece written by a warm, beautiful soul
Love this Rosie ❤️
Wow this is just incredible rosie! Chelsea thank you for letting her share this with all of us! And rosie thanks for sharing! I think a lot of us mothers can relate! Congratulations Chelsea and Rosie!!
Wept through this. We ALL make mistakes. There is no rule book on parenting. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. I have a daughter with whom I’m estranged. Couldn’t possibly have loved her more. In any case, this is why people follow you around the world Rosie. Beautiful🥲
I am rooting for you Chelsea, I watched my husband battle addiction, I know it's hard he's 20 years clean an still does addiction counseling. You got this!!
it is
it is.
I was head of casting for Carse/Werner. I lost everything to the disease of addiction. I didn’t deserve it. Chelsea doesn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve it. We play the hand we’re dealt. You’re a good mom.
“i am here for her -
she's not here for me”
just wow - that is huge
I am so so happy for her. And wow, what a judge to do that for her and with her. I am amazed how good judges - ones meant to do that very hard work (intellectually & emotionally) - can change an entire life … which then changes so many other lives …. But this piece of yours touched me so much as a mother … because Rosie, like you said, it is always their life. I think we moms especially, have been placed with such a pressure to ‘get it right’ so we don’t mess up their lives. We secretly sigh in relief when they do well - and worry when they don’t. And too often we put ourselves into that equation. We are responsible for keeping them alive when they are brand new and literally need us for everything. And that sets up a dynamic from day one, which makes us believe that we are tied to outcomes. As we once were. When we DID have to feed them and bathe them and keep them alive while their brain formed and their skull closed.
It’s so easy to see them succeed and take that sigh of relief that we ‘kept them alive’ … that we did it right. Except it was never about us. It was always their journey. Such a dangerous trap set for us mothers.
I think it’s important to remind ourselves and each other, that we cannot insert ourselves into the victories OR the losses. The good choices or the bad. The happiest moments or the ones of deepest despair. Thinking inside, that we are somehow responsible for both. When really we aren’t responsible for either.
We are - as you say - responsible for being here for them THROUGH IT ALL. We are here to love them unconditionally and to step back as they take their own journeys. To root them on. Remembering that the reason we weep with joy at their happiness is not because we ‘did it right’ … but because we love them with every beat of our heart and breath in our body.
I am so happy for her on her journey.
And you, on yours.
An absolute, beautiful reply. As someone in recovery myself, your words reveal a perspective one often doesn't think of: the parent's point of view. Thank you.
Could you send me a copy of this comment? I am tech challenged and want to share w my children who now have children. I really appreciated this.
I copied and sent to your personal messages on Substack.
Go Chelsea, live love and laugh . Be happy.
Ro, sending hugs , love and support all the way to Ireland from Canada. 🤗❤️💯
Beautiful! As a mom, I commend you and Chelsea! GOOOO CHELSEA!!!!!
My heart breaks with your posts lately. Love you, Rosie!!
Also, to add...estrangement (30+ years w/siblings) seems to be the norm in my family. And so does addiction. It never leaves a family unscathed. You are a great mom to all your kids.
Thank u for sharing ❤️
So lovely 🌹🌹🌹🌹
Way to go Chelsea! Congratulations on your HS diploma!! 🎉Everyone’s life path is different. Chelsea is on her own journey and you are there, and have always been there for her. You are an extraordinary person, Rosie. ❤️
The beauty of her calling you when she has a “win”……priceless.
I’m adopted and I support your decisions regarding your daughter. Sometimes one can build up a type of romantic myth about the birth family. And such myths are difficult to contradict. It significant work in many areas of one’s life to view this situation with reality and kindness. You’re a wonderful mom; as long as you know that hold on to it! Don’t let what anyone else says detract from that.
Finally some good news in this crazy world ❤️