rise up

make it a musical

today is the day 
April 5th 
will Americans take to the streets 
will the press cover it 

today - I sense - means a lot 
as I sit here in dublin 
having just returned from 
and autism charity 5k walk

clay agreed to go 
and allowed photos to be taken 
somedays yes - somedays no 
they have been calmer since moving 

something I did not expect 
at all 
in fact their reaction - 
was what concerned me most 

how would this manifest 
so much change to a kid who loves routine 
last night - after 4 wonderful years 
heather - nanny extraordinaire - went home 

a newly wed - who stayed much longer than expected 
its so hard to go 
she has been such a gift to both clay and me 
im not sure how we will survive 

but she aint going away away
just back to Los Angeles 
FaceTime - Zoom - WhatsApp 
all at the ready 

but the day in day out 
will most definitely be missed 
by us both
she feels like one of my kids 

I remember when Parker was born 
I didn't get a nanny 
as I didn't really know anyone who did 
it felt odd and wrong 

but when I shot Harriet the Spy 
I hired my cleaning person to come with and nanny 
on my 3rd night of work - I came in the hotel door 
and Parker wouldn't come to me 

he clung to Maria 
with a huge smile on his face 
that matched the one on hers
i was crushed 

that's it - I called my agent 
and said get me a job in nyc 
where he can grow up with his cousins 
wake up in his own room daily 

and so THE ROSIE ODONNELL SHOW 
was born with
a nursery in the office 
where I could see my kids often 

I did a great show here this week AM IRELAND 
felt like TROS -
had the best time 
so easy so fun - so joyous

it reminded me of my old show 
but it had no audience 
god I love a room full of people 
wanting to be there 

the energy I get 
from fellow humans 
laughing with me 
is hard to explain 

I started stand up at 16 
I am now 63 
I still crave it 
performing 

and will start hanging out 
at the local clubs here soon 
working out new stuff 
about being here 

so much has happened 
I try to write it all down 
here on substack now 
before in my journal 

never typed
written with sharpies 
and images from magazines 
of horrors I refuse to ignore 

i kept these journals for years 
til it became too difficult 
to have any perspective 
at the time 

when I am older 
i used to tell myself 
i will be able to be fully me 
and here we all are 

resist - 
show up - 
fight for democracy - 
onward all

me - should I live so long #peace #asiam #autism #love #acceptance